ok another rant post.
if u feel that im ranting
then just ignore this post.
i feel sad.
but i dunno how to let it out.
like all the 怨气stuck inside
me like that cannot release.
soon i might just explode.
HAHAHAHAHA.
like volcano like that.
its like i wanna talk.
settle all the problems.
but i never did get the chance to
not yesterday, not today.
and most likely not tmr.
and definitely not with
10 mins plus a day.
means i most likely cannot get
it out of the system.
so it will prob linger for a long
long lonngggg time.
but oh well.
there is nothing i can do
on my own.
not as if talking to myself
will help at all.
maybe im just ki-siaoing.
but for one of the only times
in my life, it hurts to stand
alone and realise your on
your own.
like even if ur out shopping
with your family;
your out with your frens;
out with him;
with people swirling around
you, you still feel lonely.
or maybe its just me.haha.
thats why i believe
在人群中觉得寂寞，
永远会比独自一个人
觉得寂寞时可怕。
its like,
the one and only time i
actually ask for help,
the time i set down my pride
to let myself be vulnerable,
i was told he doesnt know
how to help,
that he cant help.
i sound like im whining.
and i hate myself for it.
but i have never let myself
be vulnerable to others
before. frens, family and all.
i have been headstrong,
stubborn, unmovable,
whatever people call me.
and thats my line of defense.
to protect myself from
being hurt.
and the one time i set off
my pride to ask for help,
i was rejected.
i felt as though i had offered
my heart on a plate and
it was squashed then returned
to me.
it hurt that much.
why so much,
i cant comprehend myself.
its a lousy analogy but that
is how much it hurt.
to be honest,
im scared of myself.
really.
no matter how absurd it sounds.
to some extent,
i know myself pretty well.
or rather i believe i know
myself pretty well.
i know at most part of my strengths,
my weaknesses.
though sometimes some unsuspecting
characteristic surfaces,
i generally still think i know
myself relatively well.
and i know that when im still
considering and thinking about
things, normally my will is hard
to shift. most of the time i will
still end up making a decision
that is similar to the first concept
i came upon.
but i can still be swayed.
but the moment i make a decision,
i know that my decision cant be
swayed.
and when im upset im rash.
and both of these combined its
a lethal combination.
i seriously might end up
doing something i will regret.
thats why im scared of myself.
whats wrong with me?
if u feel that im ranting
then just ignore this post.
i feel sad.
but i dunno how to let it out.
like all the 怨气stuck inside
me like that cannot release.
soon i might just explode.
HAHAHAHAHA.
like volcano like that.
its like i wanna talk.
settle all the problems.
but i never did get the chance to
not yesterday, not today.
and most likely not tmr.
and definitely not with
10 mins plus a day.
means i most likely cannot get
it out of the system.
so it will prob linger for a long
long lonngggg time.
but oh well.
there is nothing i can do
on my own.
not as if talking to myself
will help at all.
maybe im just ki-siaoing.
but for one of the only times
in my life, it hurts to stand
alone and realise your on
your own.
like even if ur out shopping
with your family;
your out with your frens;
out with him;
with people swirling around
you, you still feel lonely.
or maybe its just me.haha.
thats why i believe
在人群中觉得寂寞，
永远会比独自一个人
觉得寂寞时可怕。
its like,
the one and only time i
actually ask for help,
the time i set down my pride
to let myself be vulnerable,
i was told he doesnt know
how to help,
that he cant help.
i sound like im whining.
and i hate myself for it.
but i have never let myself
be vulnerable to others
before. frens, family and all.
i have been headstrong,
stubborn, unmovable,
whatever people call me.
and thats my line of defense.
to protect myself from
being hurt.
and the one time i set off
my pride to ask for help,
i was rejected.
i felt as though i had offered
my heart on a plate and
it was squashed then returned
to me.
it hurt that much.
why so much,
i cant comprehend myself.
its a lousy analogy but that
is how much it hurt.
to be honest,
im scared of myself.
really.
no matter how absurd it sounds.
to some extent,
i know myself pretty well.
or rather i believe i know
myself pretty well.
i know at most part of my strengths,
my weaknesses.
though sometimes some unsuspecting
characteristic surfaces,
i generally still think i know
myself relatively well.
and i know that when im still
considering and thinking about
things, normally my will is hard
to shift. most of the time i will
still end up making a decision
that is similar to the first concept
i came upon.
but i can still be swayed.
but the moment i make a decision,
i know that my decision cant be
swayed.
and when im upset im rash.
and both of these combined its
a lethal combination.
i seriously might end up
doing something i will regret.
thats why im scared of myself.
whats wrong with me?
